Rely on God is the only thing I can say

I'm sitting here looking at my Nana and then looking out the window as she sleeps peacefully in her hospital room.It has been a week since her cardiac arrest and the miracle of her coming back to us after that.The Doctor jokingly as an icebreaker asked her if she saw any lights or tunnels.My Nana said no she didn’t and the doctor said ,”then I guess it just wasn’t your turn to go!”My Nana,Ethel Donalda Edwards has never spent more than a few days in the hospital in her life!She is 93 years of age and just had her birthday on December 13th.The chain of events that occurred up to that point quite possibly lead to what happened on December 16th.As I received the call from my sister I remember immediately going to my prayer book and saying the healing prayer.I was literally screaming it and fervently asking God for healing most likely for my Nana not to leave this world yet.I felt like something was being ripped from me,a feeling that was physically felt.I don't know what it was and I am not going to spend much time trying to figure it out.We got to the hospital emergency and they sent us into a room and the doctor came in and told us to prepare ourselves.....

How do you prepare yourself?

Preparation takes time…..I saw my family immediately halt and come together.It is human nature to rely on God at first response whether you believe or not.We ask God all the time for things just flippantly..But now it was for my grandmother.

I saw my family scrambling,hanging by a thread and at that moment I separated from my fear to my reliance on God.I wanted God to remove any difficulties from my family.The guilt,the sadness,everything which is completely unrealistic on my part but I saw my Nana in the worst possible condition I had ever seen her.My Nana taught me about perseverance,struggle and victory.Things I didn't realize until this defining moment!She had gone into cardiac arrest, no heart beat,no breathing. The paramedic resuscitated my grandmother and she was breathing on her own. They got her to hospital and it seemed like it was a flash in time.My understanding is that there is a 35% chance of coming back from this and that usually there is some damage,She was trying to get out of the bed at one point and kept saying she was scared and she didn't know what was going on. She was on morphine and it made her feel weird..My Nana has never really taken any type of painkiller ever. And the fact that she feels funny isn't helping keeping her from panicking and to tell someone that thinks they may be dying not to panic….well how stupid are we?.A funny society are we that we can tell someone not to panic when we are just as panicked!!!As the hour went on the Doctor came back with the test results and said that she had no stroke,no heart attack , no bleeding of the brain etc.The Doctor said that he had never seen anything like this……..my Nana was in good shape except for a few broken ribs. She wasn't really believing that we were telling her the truth about her condition.She said she didn't want to die and didn't want to leave us yet!! and I said to her"well don't! Fight! You are here because it’s not your time yet!Have faith,don’t be afraid God will look after you..

As the hours went on she was getting better vitals and everything were looking great although she felt awful....we all took turns staying through the night.

One thing that was interesting considering my Nana was my first spiritual teacher about God and that you didn't need to be at church to know he loves you. She has her doubts about God and the minister from her church came and I said to her talk to him about God,it’s what she is used to.She said she didn't know what to ask. So I figured this was a good way to start the conversation,so I said to him ,my Grandmother would like to talk to you about God but she doesn’t know where to start so maybe you can?”I left them be and they had a great time!

I left her a couple of my prayer books and said that she could say specific ones for certain things.She asked if I had a day book…….so I brought it in the next day.I guess the one thing I realized is the importance of sharing what I know about Baha’u’llah and the prayers we have been given.I saw her reading the back of the little white prayer book I had left her.She is very scared and doesn’t know what she wants or is not really used to receiving help,love assistance of any kind!Her generation give give give….We can learn a lot from this generation.The selflessness that she has shown throughout her life.I talked to her about having faith and that this is not the last pace for her.I asked her to be selfish about her getting better and progressing in her recovery.She sometimes seems like she carries the weight of the world on her shoulders and worries about us constantly.

She said she didn’t want to leave us….I said to her that we don’t want that either but if she did we would go on….we would be sad.She was my “mother” growing up.I love her and she knows that…….we spoke the night before she went into cardiac arrest about how much I loved her and how much I respected her and that she had always been there for me.

It is difficult to see someone you love have doubt about their beliefs……It’s hard to watch them become scared…..When you love them and you know you have said everything you can to reassure them that this is not the end.

I pray for my Nana everyday…sometimes I wake in the night reciting the healing prayer…..

I ask that whom ever reads this blog please pray for my Nana and my family.I have simplified my life so that all my trust is in God and that I don’t allow things to get in the way.Nothing is as important as the person in front of me at any time……..and when I am with her she is all I see.


Thy name is my healing, O my God, and remembrance of Thee is my remedy. Nearness to Thee is my hope, and love for Thee is my companion. Thy mercy to me is my healing and my succor in both this world and the world to come. Thou, verily, art the All-Bountiful, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise.
Bahá’u’lláh

where our loyalties lie.........

When I say lie.........it has two meanings.....

as in where we place their importance and that we are lying to ourselves that our lives are full and rich and prosperous.....

do we have more loyalty to our Airmiles,store point systems,etc than we do to our families??I am thinking "YES" on this one!

we used to keep pictures of our families in our wallets,now we keep a plethora of of plastic that has no bearing on life,relationships within it.......is this all about the fear we have attached to relationships and not getting hurt? you tell me?