Words

Pilgrimage Part 2 Edirne,Turkey

The next days that I experience are amazing ones.I travel from London to Turkey and find myself transported to the most amazing environment.Everyday there is a call to prayer five times!The first I heard it was around 5 am and it felt like someone was chanting right in my ear!The hotel I was staying at was right beside a mosque.There are over 5,000 mosques in Turkey.Very beautiful ones I might add.

To walk around a place like Istanbul and hear this amazing chanting about God was something that I didn't want to forget.I don't have that here.I would walk around and five times a day God comes to mind for all who are in the area.It really started to prepare me for my next part of my journey.I called the person that I had been given the phone numbers to in London.he phoned me back very promptly.We discussed going to Edirne, to the Mosque where Baha'u'llah would pray.I was actually going to walk where My Beloved Beauty
had walked many a time.I was waiting for the return phone call from Shapar Afnan about our ride.No one was at the reception and the phone kept ringing and I knew it was him!AND IT WAS!I phoned him back and he said he had been trying to call me!There were 8 Malaysian Baha'i's coming from Haifa and they wanted to go to Edirne and the bus had two seats left!I said "we want those seats!" We go friday and we meet the loveliest people from Malaysia.They told of their struggle to get to Haifa,due to the fact that their coming from a muslim country.They were taking notes so that other Malaysian families would be better able to navigate the trip and what they needed to do.

We got to Edirne and we went to sign in with our i.d. and they took us to Baha'u'llah's house across the street.The feeling was that of meeting my Lord,in retrospect which I will tell about in part 3!

We went into the house and waited for instructions.There was a basket of rose petals by the window.....I was looking at them and Mr.Afnan said,"you can take some if you want?"I gasped and started to tear up.I had always heard of the rose petals from the threshold but this was part of my journey......You could small roses everywhere,a really strong scent ,just beautiful.......We went upstairs to pray in the six rooms available.Praying was wonderful,I felt such love,powerful love.It is impossible to describe.I went to the first room on the right.I continued to feel love,I know love "is",it always exists,it just is.......I was always the last one out.....Our guide just got used to it and always said,"take your time."I didn't want to leave this house because I knew it would be a while before I came back here again.I wanted to soak up everything I could like a sponge.....sounds,smells,feelings.....

We went to the garden where Baha'u'llah revealed The Tablet of Ahmad.We walked around the garden,had some fruit and nuts and enjoyed the time we had there.These places are places of history,beauty,have felt the footsteps of the Manifestation of God!To breathe the same air........to imagine what it was like during that time.....It was truly a very special moment that will never be repeated.

Next,we went to the Sultan Salim Mosque,This is where Baha'u'llah would pray.Under a canopy by the pillar on the left side where a upside down tulip is as seen below is.I went to touch it and to stand where My Beloved had prayed many times......I couldn't believe the feeling of this place.......I couldn't believe how overwhelmed I felt.All the visions that went through my head as I was in this mosque, in the Bazaar.I was going to Haifa in a few days and I thought I would explode....I didn't think I could handle much more.......but God never gives you more than you can handle......and I didn't really know what that meant because that can mean something that you just had no clue was going to come your way.......

On our way home we had such wonderful conversations about our lives and service and how we are all connected and how fast we can make friendships that can continue on.It was such a splendid transition from London.

Below is a photo of me infront of one of the entrances to the mosque,I think the one Baha'u'llah would use when he would come up through the bazaar.I feel happy and peaceful,like I have never felt in my life.I knew that there was alot more to come in Israel......I just had no idea what it would look or feel like......or where I would be transported next.To share these experiences,I feel is a duty.It was an absolute privilage to be able to go on this trip and very timely......

The Days Ahead.......

are interesting ones.As the New Year starts to most of the world I look back and think about what I had been thinking???YOu may ask your self if you are reading this,what does that mean?Well,in retrospect we can understand many things once they have occurred.This is when we have a choice to move on from them or not.If we don’t what is it about that particular thing, person or event that we just can’t leave behind?Is it the fantasy that we have built up around it that we love so much?Is it the idea of the possibility of it not being finished or closed?

I often wonder if we ever really get closure at all in our lives about anything?Is this the struggle that we as humanity face constantly in our lives.I have looked back at my life for the span of more than just last year but for about 15 years.I could have made alot of other choices ,yet the cycle that I have myself in is that of a repeat offender!AS much as I change and learn,and get better at making better choices,I sometimes find myself at the crossroads again.

When we are afraid and get that scared feeling we tend to do something or make a choice that is familiar because we are coming from fear.I have realized that I need to make choices that come from a place of being fearless.Having the thought of “what is the worst thing that could happen to me?

Maybe I should have called this blog fearless?

People who are successful are fearless,and by success I don’t necessarily mean money wise,although that ain’t a bad situation to be in!Being fearless in relationships with family,friends,spouses,work associates etc.I think love and passion are heavily involved in this process.Without love we are nothing,without passion we have no drive,we are static.

When life hits you on the side of the head and you have no idea which direction it came from it is time to be fearless because there is no other way to be.

Be fearless in love,life and faith.

Rely on God is the only thing I can say

I'm sitting here looking at my Nana and then looking out the window as she sleeps peacefully in her hospital room.It has been a week since her cardiac arrest and the miracle of her coming back to us after that.The Doctor jokingly as an icebreaker asked her if she saw any lights or tunnels.My Nana said no she didn’t and the doctor said ,”then I guess it just wasn’t your turn to go!”My Nana,Ethel Donalda Edwards has never spent more than a few days in the hospital in her life!She is 93 years of age and just had her birthday on December 13th.The chain of events that occurred up to that point quite possibly lead to what happened on December 16th.As I received the call from my sister I remember immediately going to my prayer book and saying the healing prayer.I was literally screaming it and fervently asking God for healing most likely for my Nana not to leave this world yet.I felt like something was being ripped from me,a feeling that was physically felt.I don't know what it was and I am not going to spend much time trying to figure it out.We got to the hospital emergency and they sent us into a room and the doctor came in and told us to prepare ourselves.....

How do you prepare yourself?

Preparation takes time…..I saw my family immediately halt and come together.It is human nature to rely on God at first response whether you believe or not.We ask God all the time for things just flippantly..But now it was for my grandmother.

I saw my family scrambling,hanging by a thread and at that moment I separated from my fear to my reliance on God.I wanted God to remove any difficulties from my family.The guilt,the sadness,everything which is completely unrealistic on my part but I saw my Nana in the worst possible condition I had ever seen her.My Nana taught me about perseverance,struggle and victory.Things I didn't realize until this defining moment!She had gone into cardiac arrest, no heart beat,no breathing. The paramedic resuscitated my grandmother and she was breathing on her own. They got her to hospital and it seemed like it was a flash in time.My understanding is that there is a 35% chance of coming back from this and that usually there is some damage,She was trying to get out of the bed at one point and kept saying she was scared and she didn't know what was going on. She was on morphine and it made her feel weird..My Nana has never really taken any type of painkiller ever. And the fact that she feels funny isn't helping keeping her from panicking and to tell someone that thinks they may be dying not to panic….well how stupid are we?.A funny society are we that we can tell someone not to panic when we are just as panicked!!!As the hour went on the Doctor came back with the test results and said that she had no stroke,no heart attack , no bleeding of the brain etc.The Doctor said that he had never seen anything like this……..my Nana was in good shape except for a few broken ribs. She wasn't really believing that we were telling her the truth about her condition.She said she didn't want to die and didn't want to leave us yet!! and I said to her"well don't! Fight! You are here because it’s not your time yet!Have faith,don’t be afraid God will look after you..

As the hours went on she was getting better vitals and everything were looking great although she felt awful....we all took turns staying through the night.

One thing that was interesting considering my Nana was my first spiritual teacher about God and that you didn't need to be at church to know he loves you. She has her doubts about God and the minister from her church came and I said to her talk to him about God,it’s what she is used to.She said she didn't know what to ask. So I figured this was a good way to start the conversation,so I said to him ,my Grandmother would like to talk to you about God but she doesn’t know where to start so maybe you can?”I left them be and they had a great time!

I left her a couple of my prayer books and said that she could say specific ones for certain things.She asked if I had a day book…….so I brought it in the next day.I guess the one thing I realized is the importance of sharing what I know about Baha’u’llah and the prayers we have been given.I saw her reading the back of the little white prayer book I had left her.She is very scared and doesn’t know what she wants or is not really used to receiving help,love assistance of any kind!Her generation give give give….We can learn a lot from this generation.The selflessness that she has shown throughout her life.I talked to her about having faith and that this is not the last pace for her.I asked her to be selfish about her getting better and progressing in her recovery.She sometimes seems like she carries the weight of the world on her shoulders and worries about us constantly.

She said she didn’t want to leave us….I said to her that we don’t want that either but if she did we would go on….we would be sad.She was my “mother” growing up.I love her and she knows that…….we spoke the night before she went into cardiac arrest about how much I loved her and how much I respected her and that she had always been there for me.

It is difficult to see someone you love have doubt about their beliefs……It’s hard to watch them become scared…..When you love them and you know you have said everything you can to reassure them that this is not the end.

I pray for my Nana everyday…sometimes I wake in the night reciting the healing prayer…..

I ask that whom ever reads this blog please pray for my Nana and my family.I have simplified my life so that all my trust is in God and that I don’t allow things to get in the way.Nothing is as important as the person in front of me at any time……..and when I am with her she is all I see.


Thy name is my healing, O my God, and remembrance of Thee is my remedy. Nearness to Thee is my hope, and love for Thee is my companion. Thy mercy to me is my healing and my succor in both this world and the world to come. Thou, verily, art the All-Bountiful, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise.
Bahá’u’lláh

where our loyalties lie.........

When I say lie.........it has two meanings.....

as in where we place their importance and that we are lying to ourselves that our lives are full and rich and prosperous.....

do we have more loyalty to our Airmiles,store point systems,etc than we do to our families??I am thinking "YES" on this one!

we used to keep pictures of our families in our wallets,now we keep a plethora of of plastic that has no bearing on life,relationships within it.......is this all about the fear we have attached to relationships and not getting hurt? you tell me?

Pilgrimage Part 1 London

It is said that Baha’I Pilgrimage is the fulfillment of the idea of “The Most Great Pilgrimage”.In no other religion can you pay respects and visit the Shrines of two Manifestations of God ,The Bab and Baha’u’llah and visit the Shrine of Abdu’l-Baha and visit the Holy places of the Baha’i Faith.It is a wonder and a blessing and cannot be understood until the next world…….

I remember when I sat in the International Teaching Centre ,I heard that said,the hairs stood up on the back of my neck and I could have cried with absolute joy….but I try to keep a grip.

I understand the beginning of my journey a lot better now.

I had left for London on Oct 27.I,for one couldn’t believe I was actually getting on a plane and was to embark on the first leg of Pilgrimage.In London,I spent a lot of time in art galleries because art is a great love affair of mine and I could just sit and gaze into a painting for days…….I drank in the London scene but I had a mission and that was to go to “New Southgate Cemetery.This is where the Resting Place for Shoghi Effendi,The Beloved Guardian of the Baha’I Faith was laid to rest.I had a map that was quickly deteriorating before my eyes…..It was a Sunday and my last day in London and the rain was coming down sideways!The walk to the cemetery seemed to take forever and was quite a journey in itself.

I had to ask for directions a few times and I finally got to the edge of the cemetery.I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get there!I started seeing headstones and I felt relief!I walked into the cemetery and I started to find my way…..The map wasn’t detailed enough for me, because I like details and exactness…I was not groovin’ with this map.As I walked along the road I was not finding the caretakers office.I think the combination of rain,frustration and a few other things were getting to me….but I thought to myself….don’t worry you are almost there.

As I walked,there was a blue car driving around with a lady and a little boy in it.something about them was interesting…I figured she may be lost too and we were looking for the same thing??I stopped to ask directions from two men in a car,I figured people come here all the time and some may come often and possibly know their way around the place..I might add that this cemetery is GIGANTIC!!!I have never seen anything that big…..

The gentlemen in the car was a caretaker of some degree and I had asked him if he knew where this resting place was and he said to me,”some of your friends were here this morning from Mozambique” or some place like that. I was like.interesting how I have friends I didn’t even know about? AWESOME!

He gets out of the car and points at the golden eagle atop the marble column…..I can’t describe how I felt…as I had been walking around trying to find it,the golden eagle was in the corner of my right eye the whole time,it just didn’t click in my brain…I had seen it before in photos but It was so surreal that it was like a dream……I had tears of joy streaming down my face and I couldn’t contain myself.I got there and the gate had a chain on it,I looked at it and it wasn’t locked,just wrapped around it.I thought well I’m going in and if I’m not supposed to be in here someone can come and kick me out!I was there by myself….I looked at the column and read what was inscribed on it… Behold! he is the blest and sacred bough that hath branched out from the Twin Holy Trees. Well is it with him that seeketh the shelter of his shade that shadoweth all mankind. (Abdu'l-Baha)


It was like I had climbed the highest mountain top to get here…I said prayers for everyone,people who had said them for me when they had been there,friends and family that I had taken photos of so I could look at them and have them in my prayers.The amazing thing was that the sky opened up and the sun came out..It was so mystical that I felt it was for me and only me…..I felt so loved and so happy.I don’t think I have ever been this happy?........I love to sing and it was so wonderful to sing praises in such a wonderful place!I was uber happy now!

I was praying and enjoying the sun and the peacefulness of the resting pace and its beauty that was amoungst a dreary cemetery.There were some people coming to the gate and they wouldn’t come in…I figured they were waiting for me to come out and I was going to stay there till I was escorted out!The people came in and there was a lady and a man and then two other women with their children.We made eye contact and continued to pray.There was something wonderful about being there and feeling the wonder and beauty of this moment.They left to go outside and they were looking at some of the other Baha’i’s that had been buried there and they were waiting for something.


They were waiting for me to come out…… The funny thing was that one of the ladies that came in looked just like a friend of mine back home,I couldn’t help but look and she would smile at me and we would continue on praying.

She came up to me and said,”I waited till you came out because I felt so much love from you that I wanted to hug you!” We hugged and squeezed each other tightly.I said that she looked like a friend of mine whose name was Vida…and she said……MY NAME IS VIDA!..These two people could be sisters easily.

We took some photos and talked and I met the other people.The lady in the blue car was a Baha’I,and when she saw me she said that there was something about me that she noticed and that I seemed to be on a mission of sorts.She probably circled past me a few times.I looked at her and said,”I thought the same thing about you!”These Baha’i’s were there because they had decided as a community that they would go together and pray for their cluster.I am so happy they did!

We went to the caretakers building and sat down and I introduced myself to the caretaker,a sweet man who was absolutely charming!It is so wonderful to go somewhere you have never been and find people that are instant friends due to the Faith and their love for Baha’u’llah!

Now,it gets even better….and I didn’t think it was possible….


Vida asked me where I was travelling to etc.I said that I was going to Istanbul and my main purpose for the trip was to go on Pilgrimage in Haifa.It turned out that she was going to be on a 3 day visit in Haifa while I was there….It was crazy…..I’m like what is going on?We decide to go for Chinese food together ,the whole group.But first,Vida asked me if I was going to Edirne to Baha’u’llah’s house?I said I am trying to plan that but I am not sure where to start?

She said,”Don’t worry,I will take you to a lady down the street and she will give you the information you need to get to Edirne.”The little lady we met was doing a study circle and was also the book store for the area!We go into her place and her house number was numbered 99 …………..……she gives me the name of a man on the asian side of Istanbul that takes people to Edirne….phone numbers and email.I was so greatful,I couldn’t have planned it better,I think sometimes no planning is the best planning!

We went to eat and we drove for about 45 minutes and I was wondering how I was going to get back to my place…”No problem”,Vida said,”we will get you home!”We ate great food and talked about how we became Baha’i’s and how amazing it was that we were there that same day!The children were fascinating!They were so warm and chatty!So eager to talk and tell me about them selves and ask me tonnes of questions.I was sitting beside a six year old who was going on 20 because he had a plethora of knowledge in his head.It was like talking to an adult!We had a long conversation about school,life in England and the fact that he like shrimp chips!

We said our good-byes and it was sweet sorrow…such bonds were made and now it was time for me to go back to get ready to leave for Istanbul the next day.I was taken to a train station that would get me right to Russell Square.We said our good-byes and I knew that I would be seeing Vida again very soon……. To be continued.

The Pilgrimage before the Pilgrimage

On March 9th 2009,I received an email from pilgrimage@bwc.org

I saw it and I knew what it meant.......

I just cried………

It was a Monday morning and I had had many conversations with God concerning my path in life….I knew what my purpose was,I just had a hard time figuring out how the rest of my life would work with in that( I tend to over analize so this is just a minor detail).I really asked God for “something”,”anything” that would give me some direction regarding my purpose.When we as spiritual beings get stuck or fall into a hole or a cycle we need some help getting out of it.

So at this point looking into the mirror and re-assessing life seemed like a good plan.I had to deal with certain situations in my life and how I felt about many things.I questioned everything:family,friends,relationships,love,who I was,etc.I never questioned my Faith as I knew that was what I knew to be true and the constant in my life.


When I woke up that Monday and opened that e-mail and clicked to download the pdf,it was like I got my answer.From that point on I knew that things would start to fall into place because I had this new focus.I was meant to go and I was meant to go soon.So soon in fact,that I booked my trip for Nov 8-17th 2009.Crazy huh?...Well, I also had a beautiful friend of mine who on that same day I got my email she was online picking her dates!!We were talking on skype and her exact words were, “Making the decision is part of the pilgrimage”.....because if you "wait" till you have the money you will never go!"The next question I asked was….do you want to share accommodations?And it was a “yes”, with stipulations of no snoring etc.

I couldn’t believe that I had made that decision so fast!I was so happy and it created a shift in my life.I seemed to be more creative than ever,I pushed through walls that I never thought I would get through.I had come out of this spiritual funk I was in.

From that day forward I really left everything in God’s hands.I have looked at the horizon and periodically looked out the sides to see what was going on in the rest of the world.
The preparation for this pilgrimage has been intense.Many difficulties have come my way to only make me more determined to get there!

When I told my family one day during a gathering we were having,I said it fairly nonchalantly,"I'm going on pilgrimage in Israel and it was like someone stopped the music at a real fun party and everyone was really annoyed!Another part of the pilgrimage is deciding for me if I should tell people or not?Because when you tell people they always more often than not ask you..."why do you want to go there for?" not in a curious tone in a tone of "Do you want to get yourself killed?Do you know what's going on there right now?IT'S DANGEROUS!!!!etc,etc.

I remember the look on my Nana's face(she is in her 90's by the way)It was with utter dismay!!! I said to her if I live in fear I will never do anything in my life.....she replied with...yes, you are right...From that day forward it has been a pilgrimage for my family of sorts.I am the child that does the crazy stuff,like self employment,musician,painter,change religions,paint my house vibrant colours,write blogs etc.When ever I change or do something supposedly weird my family looks at them selves and thinks where did she come from??I can try to explain the pull I feel to Haifa,but I don't because it's personal and when you start explaining something and how you feel about it,it just ruins the whole experience.....

I have throughout my life always known there is something more,something bigger and better than what I knew to be true,or what I had been told was true.There has always been a pull,a force something......

I have felt the pull of The Holy Land for a very long time and it seems like it will be like going home.I remember having dreams about this place and I had never seen it before.These dreams were so vivid that it was intense and I felt very happy and at peace.I would have re-occurring dreams and some would involve people and some would not.Some would be just looking over the expanse of Mount Carmel….the thing is I had never really seen any pictures at all of this place.

I sometimes would get this overwhelming feeling,the feeling I would get was of a lot of energy going into something, like air being trapped in a balloon.When just a little extra bit of air goes in,the amount that takes it to it's breaking point, the balloon pops and all that pressure is released!

That release in pressure is like going to another level,metaphorically speaking.In my heart I know that my life has had this build up of pressure and now it is released and has taken me to a whole other level, transcendence if you will allow me that…..


I can’t even imagine what this pilgrimage will be like nor dare I try.I will leave to go to London,to visit Shoghi Effendi’s resting place.Turkey will be another stop to go to the house of Baha’u’llah,then to Haifa.Going from west to east is yet another part of the pilgrimage.I wanted to take a boat from Turkey to Haifa but not an option at this time of year.I am reading a few books before I go.One of them being “Door of Hope”.I am a fairly new Baha’i and I really need to be prepared when I go.I don’t like not knowing things and I am very curious by nature.

I had this periodic thought of guilt because I was going so soon,and was it a mistake?Would I get an e-mail saying,

”Ms.Martella,

we are sorry to inform you that we had a bit if a mix up and you weren’t supposed to get a request for pilgrimage so soon.”


With Loving Baha’i Greeetings.

Pilgrimage Office

SO..... this didn’t happen,and this not happening made me realize somethings about me and this pilgrimage that I am on right now…..It’s not easy,nothing worth having is easy!

This is just part of my pilgrimage....the next part will be coming soon and then the pilgrimage after that and so on and so forth.I just realized my life is a pilgrimage.....

I wouldn’t change any of the events in my life because they all brought me to this place,to this pilgrimage,to my Beloved…..

~Tamara