The Pilgrimage before the Pilgrimage

On March 9th 2009,I received an email from pilgrimage@bwc.org

I saw it and I knew what it meant.......

I just cried………

It was a Monday morning and I had had many conversations with God concerning my path in life….I knew what my purpose was,I just had a hard time figuring out how the rest of my life would work with in that( I tend to over analize so this is just a minor detail).I really asked God for “something”,”anything” that would give me some direction regarding my purpose.When we as spiritual beings get stuck or fall into a hole or a cycle we need some help getting out of it.

So at this point looking into the mirror and re-assessing life seemed like a good plan.I had to deal with certain situations in my life and how I felt about many things.I questioned everything:family,friends,relationships,love,who I was,etc.I never questioned my Faith as I knew that was what I knew to be true and the constant in my life.


When I woke up that Monday and opened that e-mail and clicked to download the pdf,it was like I got my answer.From that point on I knew that things would start to fall into place because I had this new focus.I was meant to go and I was meant to go soon.So soon in fact,that I booked my trip for Nov 8-17th 2009.Crazy huh?...Well, I also had a beautiful friend of mine who on that same day I got my email she was online picking her dates!!We were talking on skype and her exact words were, “Making the decision is part of the pilgrimage”.....because if you "wait" till you have the money you will never go!"The next question I asked was….do you want to share accommodations?And it was a “yes”, with stipulations of no snoring etc.

I couldn’t believe that I had made that decision so fast!I was so happy and it created a shift in my life.I seemed to be more creative than ever,I pushed through walls that I never thought I would get through.I had come out of this spiritual funk I was in.

From that day forward I really left everything in God’s hands.I have looked at the horizon and periodically looked out the sides to see what was going on in the rest of the world.
The preparation for this pilgrimage has been intense.Many difficulties have come my way to only make me more determined to get there!

When I told my family one day during a gathering we were having,I said it fairly nonchalantly,"I'm going on pilgrimage in Israel and it was like someone stopped the music at a real fun party and everyone was really annoyed!Another part of the pilgrimage is deciding for me if I should tell people or not?Because when you tell people they always more often than not ask you..."why do you want to go there for?" not in a curious tone in a tone of "Do you want to get yourself killed?Do you know what's going on there right now?IT'S DANGEROUS!!!!etc,etc.

I remember the look on my Nana's face(she is in her 90's by the way)It was with utter dismay!!! I said to her if I live in fear I will never do anything in my life.....she replied with...yes, you are right...From that day forward it has been a pilgrimage for my family of sorts.I am the child that does the crazy stuff,like self employment,musician,painter,change religions,paint my house vibrant colours,write blogs etc.When ever I change or do something supposedly weird my family looks at them selves and thinks where did she come from??I can try to explain the pull I feel to Haifa,but I don't because it's personal and when you start explaining something and how you feel about it,it just ruins the whole experience.....

I have throughout my life always known there is something more,something bigger and better than what I knew to be true,or what I had been told was true.There has always been a pull,a force something......

I have felt the pull of The Holy Land for a very long time and it seems like it will be like going home.I remember having dreams about this place and I had never seen it before.These dreams were so vivid that it was intense and I felt very happy and at peace.I would have re-occurring dreams and some would involve people and some would not.Some would be just looking over the expanse of Mount Carmel….the thing is I had never really seen any pictures at all of this place.

I sometimes would get this overwhelming feeling,the feeling I would get was of a lot of energy going into something, like air being trapped in a balloon.When just a little extra bit of air goes in,the amount that takes it to it's breaking point, the balloon pops and all that pressure is released!

That release in pressure is like going to another level,metaphorically speaking.In my heart I know that my life has had this build up of pressure and now it is released and has taken me to a whole other level, transcendence if you will allow me that…..


I can’t even imagine what this pilgrimage will be like nor dare I try.I will leave to go to London,to visit Shoghi Effendi’s resting place.Turkey will be another stop to go to the house of Baha’u’llah,then to Haifa.Going from west to east is yet another part of the pilgrimage.I wanted to take a boat from Turkey to Haifa but not an option at this time of year.I am reading a few books before I go.One of them being “Door of Hope”.I am a fairly new Baha’i and I really need to be prepared when I go.I don’t like not knowing things and I am very curious by nature.

I had this periodic thought of guilt because I was going so soon,and was it a mistake?Would I get an e-mail saying,

”Ms.Martella,

we are sorry to inform you that we had a bit if a mix up and you weren’t supposed to get a request for pilgrimage so soon.”


With Loving Baha’i Greeetings.

Pilgrimage Office

SO..... this didn’t happen,and this not happening made me realize somethings about me and this pilgrimage that I am on right now…..It’s not easy,nothing worth having is easy!

This is just part of my pilgrimage....the next part will be coming soon and then the pilgrimage after that and so on and so forth.I just realized my life is a pilgrimage.....

I wouldn’t change any of the events in my life because they all brought me to this place,to this pilgrimage,to my Beloved…..

~Tamara